You got a girl’s number, you’re texting her, and now you’re looking to move things forward.
You will rarely have a girl outright reject you.
She will rarely say,
“No, I’m not interested. Bye.”
When you’re texting a girl – and she isn’t interested in you – she will do three things consistently:
1. She will stop replying.
2. She will be flaky when you make plans.
3. She will say, “I’m busy” (or something along those lines).
“I’m busy”… That’s a nice way of saying “no” without saying no and probably the most common excuse you’ll receive.
And why would she hang out with you anyway…?
You met her at the bar or party, you got her number after seven minutes of talking, and now you’re texting her to find out what her plans are next weekend.
You and every guy in the world do this…
We’ve been taught to be direct alpha males who aren’t afraid to go for what they want.
God forbid you don’t show your intentions right away. You might become a “BETA MALE”!
Who came up with this stuff anyway and what’s it all mean? Beta male vs Alpha male…. WHO CARES!!!!
All you should be worried about is two things:
1. Am I confident in myself?
2. Am I a likable person? (I.e. Not a rude, inconsiderate asshole who lacks basic social skills)
If yes, you’re set!
I think a lot of guys are overly focused on how they’re going to get a date and not focused enough on how to build a good relationship.
Let me just say this: when you focus on creating a great first impression and establishing a good relationship, the rest takes care of itself.
Of course the girl is going to hang out with you if you’re a cool guy!
Of course the girl is going to be interested in getting to know you better if you aren’t so pushy!
People take warming up.
And if you can learn how to be more understanding of that fact… your dating life will improve.
Period. That’s a guarantee.
There’s a dogma ruling pickup community today though…
Most guys think texting should only be used to get the date or make plans.
So as soon as a guy gets a number they think they should immediately try setting up a date or hang out.
They instantly start texting things like,
“What are your plans this weekend?”
“When are you free?
“Do you have any plans tonight? We should grab a drink!”
A lot of guys are doing this because they’re afraid of becoming a texting buddy and falling into the “friend zone”.
If you’re afraid – then you’re not confident – and I’d encourage you to read this post instead.
My point is, too many guys are overly focused on how they’re going to hang out with the girl after they get her number…
…And not focusing enough on how to build a relationship and create a great impression.
That’s why I’m going to challenge you to try something.
Entering what I call the “One Week Rule”.
Ah, the one week rule.
The one week rule means that in the first week of interacting with a girl, you don’t ask for the date.
For the first week of chatting, there is no asking for a date or implying it.
Just enjoying the conversation and having no agenda in mind… ACTUALLY getting to know the person before you hang out.
Remember that dogma we talked about earlier? How every guy in the pickup community thinks that the only purpose of texting a girl is to make plans?
Well, getting to know someone and building some level of rapport IS part of making plans.
That’s what a lot of guys don’t get.
You can’t skip that part of getting to know someone and building some level of rapport.
If you spend enough time building a good relationship, the hangout is a mere triviality.
OF COURSE HANGING OUT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!
When you actually get to know someone and then ask for the hangout.. of course they want to get to know you more. Of course they’re going to say yes. Why? They feel comfortable with you. Now, you aren’t some random creep they met at the bar. Instead, you’re a solid dude who’s established familiarity.
Imagine this scenario.
A girl meets three guys throughout her night.
Each one gets her number or Snapchat.
Two of the guys try to get the hangout right away.
“Hey [Name], nice meeting you last night. Any plans today? We should hang! :-)”
And then the other guy tries something different.
No intentions. No agenda. Just some old school flirting and getting to know someone.
The guy is flirtatious, funny, witty, and charming.
That guy can be you.
Here’s what happens when you apply the “One Week Rule”
When you apply the one week rule, you let go of any agenda or outcomes.
This immediately takes the pressure off you.
And then, you find yourself becoming witty.
You start becoming funny and more expressive.
Within a few days, she’s not only interested in getting to know you but also EAGER to hangout (she may even suggest the plans first).
But what if you’re pushy and needy for a certain outcome…? You end up pushing her away.
It’s like the pushy sales guy at Best Buy who comes up to you and instantly starts asking you which computer you’re looking to buy without taking the time to understand what you’re even there for (a laptop case).
What happens? The sales dude pushes you away and although you were ready to buy. Now, after his sleazy approach, you might be pushed away or turned off completely.
Same thing happens in dating when you go for the hangout TOO QUICKLY without building rapport.
Imagine another scenario…
Imagine you meet a guy at the bar. He seems cool and asks for your number just to stay in touch.
Networking never hurt, right?
Next morning he texts you how great it was to meet you and immediately asks when you can grab a cup of coffee and get to know each other.
Internally, you’d think to yourself,
“Yeah… you’re cool bro but I don’t wanna kick it. I don’t want to give you 1-2 hours of my time. What for? What do I get out of it? I just met you, bro, slow down. Plus, I got better shit to do.”
You won’t say that, but you’d respond to that guy with something like, “Ah, yeah dude I can’t today man. Busy a fuck. But next time?”
I live in Silicon Valley and everyone always wants to network and grab a coffee.
This happens all the time.
But why would I give my time to just anyone…? I’ll come up with any excuse.
And this happens to you too when you ask for the date or hangout before establishing some sort of rapport or relationship.
Girls will flake, put off hanging out with you, claim how busy they are… They’ll say anything to let you off easily.
Here is my challenge to you…
Take your time.
Be a little patient.
Actually get to know someone.
Too many guys know how to be aggressive and direct (that’s just our nature).
Not enough guys know to build a relationship and get to know someone.
People date people they feel comfortable and familiar with. They don’t hangout or make time for complete strangers.
I don’t care how good your game is. Good people skills can never be omitted.
Get to know someone by applying the one week rule.
For one week, don’t ask the girl out. Don’t ask her for anything. Don’t even think about asking her out. Just have fun and get to know her.
Met her on Tinder? Great, for one week, don’t imply or ask for a hangout.
Met at the bar and talked for 10 minutes before you split ways? Great, get her number and don’t ask for anything for a week.
Just have fun and let go of any outcome or agenda.
Watch what happens.
When you let go, you get creative. You start becoming more expressive. You get funnier. You become a more likable person.
And the rest is history. Hanging out with you becomes a no brainer for the girl.
When things start going well, the conversation is flowing, and there is clearly mutual interest… then suggest a hangout. You’ve earned it.
Apply this rule and let me know how it affects your dating life.
I love you.